I know that today is not the "exact" date, but I also know that it was Holy Thursday, and it was a day that would change my life forever. I was just 27 years old. Working full-time and a mom of an adorable little one year old boy.
Many of you know that Greg had cancer. Actually, what he had was "Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma" which is a cousin of Leukemia. A cancer of the blood. What happened 23 years ago was life-changing for all of us.
Turning back the clock, to December, 1991. Our health insurance deductible had been paid in ful, along with our out of pocket cost. Greg needed to have a bone spur on his foot operated on, and seeing as the insurance would be paying for all of it, because of Aaron's birth costs, we decided it was time to have his foot taken care of. When the doctor did his pre-surgery physical he found "something" in his gut, but couldn't figure out exactly what it was. He sent him for a CT and other tests, which all came back inconclusive. We didn't think too much more about it. After all, the doctors couldn't find anything wrong, so no big deal. Greg had that foot surgery, and everything was fine . . . or so we thought.
Four months later, Greg found a lump near his groin. The doctors decided that they had to operate. Aaron was just a year old at the time. We had just had a big party to celebrate his first birthday on Palm Sunday. On Holy Thursday, Greg went in for surgery. It was to be "day" surgery and he would be coming home that night. My in-laws babysat for Aaron so I could be at the hospital.
I remember the surgery taking longer than what they told me. I went to the nurse's station and asked what was going on. They, of course, didn't know, or now, in hindsight, as I recall the looks on their faces, they knew something was wrong, but weren't about to tell me. A while later, a nurse came out and said that the doctors had found "something," and now they wanted to check out those suspicious "things" in his stomach area. They needed me to sign an authorization to make the incision. Of course, I signed the authorization. What else could I do?
A while later -- it seemed like FOREVER, the doctor came out to talk to me. I remember as though it was yesterday, sitting in the waiting room and having the doctor tell me that my husband had cancer. I believe he told me it was lymphoma, but I'm not sure. I remember asking what I thought were the right questions, and I very clearly remember asking if we would be able to have any more children! I was doing really well, until a nurse came up and moved a box of tissues onto the table in front of us. It was then that I lost it and started crying. I'm pretty sure this doctor was not used to having to give someone this kind of news. And there I was, all alone, trying to digest all this after what was supposed to be a simple day surgery.
I remember we decided that we would not tell Greg that day and needed to wait until the next day, when he was more lucid. I called my mother-in-law to tell her, and apparently, she called Greg's sister at work to tell her. After I made sure that Greg was settled in his room, I decided it was time for me to go home and take care of Aaron. There was nothing more I could do at that point. As I was walking to my minivan in the parking lot (yes, I actually drove a minivan back then -- don't judge!), I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see my sister-in-law, Jody. She told me that she told her boss that her brother had just been diagnosed with cancer and I was all alone at the hospital and that I shouldn't be all alone and she needed to leave work to be with me. That was, without a doubt, the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me! We went back to the hospital and visited with Greg a bit and then left and went to my mother-in-law's house to get Aaron.
I remember the next day going to visit Greg and he said to me: "What the hell happened? It feels like they ripped my gut open!" I responded with "they DID!" Then I told him the news. He had the same attitude he's always had. OK. What do we do about it!
I can hardly believe it was 23 years ago that our lives were changed forever. There are so many other details that I remember, but this entry is long enough as it is. Suffice it to say that Holy Thursday has so much meaning for me. It's hard to believe that my husband has been a cancer survivor for 23 years! There are not many people who can say that, and it is only because of God's grace that he is still here!
I'll be writing more about our cancer journey in the next week or two, because we have another milestone ahead, and this time of year just hits me kind of hard. While Resurrection Sunday is an amazingly joyous day, I usually have a difficult time dealing with all the things that have happened around this time of year. With that said, it's time for me to go to bed and dream happy, peaceful dreams.
Blessings to all!
Julie
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