It has begun. Greg can no longer eat. After three weeks of radiation, his throat is just too sore and it's too hard to swallow. They told us this was going to happen, but you never think it's really going to happen to you. He's been doing so well these last three weeks, I think we really thought he would continue to beat the odds and be able to eat throughout his treatment. This makes me so sad. One thing I love to do is cook. I'm an awesome cook, if I do say so myself! BUT, anyone who eats here will certainly agree with me! It's how I show love to my family and friends. I like nothing more than having my family tell me dinner was good! And now we're down to this for Greg.
That Osmolite 1.5 is what will be his "food" for the foreseeable future. I don't even know how I can cook anything and enjoy eating it knowing he can smell it and want to eat it, but just can't. That's is going to REALLY suck. At least when he had his transplant (bone marrow), during the week or so that he couldn't eat, he was too sick to want to eat, and he wasn't at home smelling everything I was cooking. Not so this time. How could that NOT suck? I try so hard to not complain and to be there for him, but I have to say, this time it's really affecting me, and I feel like a jerk for feeling bad because he can't eat my food. I mean, seriously. HE CAN'T FRIGGIN' EAT, and I'm whining about how it feels to me to not be able to cook for him. How pathetic is that? Really makes me feel like crap. I will never, even if I live to be 150 years old, come close to being as amazing as my husband is. Yes, he makes me crazy at times, and we've had our really bad moments, but oh my. I cannot believe his attitude when it comes to dealing with cancer. This is the THIRD time he's had cancer, and every time he totally amazes me! I guess that's our Lord in action, and I guess that I just need a smack upside the head by Him. Or, maybe this cancer WAS my smack upside my head -- to get me to appreciate the husband God gave me? I just don't know anymore. I. Just. Don't. Know.
I'm in a bad place right now, and it's not just this. I don't know where to turn anymore. I know who is there for us and who is not. I know it's not very Christian, and I can't help it, but I will certainly remember who was there for us and who was not. It's amazing how many people are too afraid to actually follow-through with their promises. So, that's it. You know who you are. And if you see yourself here, maybe you should look at your heart. One day, things are not going to be all rosy for you and you will reap what you sow. The only difference is that I will still be there for you, even though you were not there for me.
Blessings to all,
Julie
If you feel led to assist financially: Greg's GoFundMe
We were really hoping it wouldn't come to this. Greg has always been so strong when it comes to cancer treatments. He totally amazes me! It's been getting harder and harder to eat. He's had three weeks of radiation so far (15 days total), and it simply hurts to You know what it's like when you have strep, or some other kind of bad sore throat and you don't want to eat? Well, multiply that by 100 and you may have just the slightest glimpse of how Greg's throat feels.
He posted this on Facebook today:
How bout an update from Mik Mission Control and progress @ the 1/3 marker of "Flight of the Phoenix" I just named that!!.........Stage 2 of 3 and where we are at!!..........We reached the decision to go with Straight Tube Feeding, or STF as I just decided to call it......Due to daily radiation treatments, I can no longer swallow nor desire to, knowing that I can't.........So for those who want to be in the know, there ya have it!!............Everything now goes down the Tube.........What fun can I have with this???..........One last note..........My last meal was Pizza......My first meal back will be Pizza!!........Thank you all so much for all your Prayers, Thoughts and Wishes.....These I share with others in need...........Circle of Hands......
So, there you go. That's the amazing attitude he has! I can't wait until the day I can post that he's eating pizza again!
We're working with the durable medical equipment company and the insurance company now to get the proper authorizations for the enteral feedings. Hopefully, that will go smoothly! If not, we have our awesome Nurse Case Manager who will work her magic to make sure that everything is taken care of.
It's now been three weeks since I started telecommuting and I must say, I really DO love working from home! I was able to switch my shift to 6 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and it's really incredible to be done working at 2:30! I need to work on my scheduling though, as I still tend to take my lunch at noon, and then, suddenly, there's only two hours left in my day! It's just going to take some getting used to. I now set my alarm, just to make sure I wake up in time, and I'm still usually awake right around the time my alarm goes off at 5:30. Working from home has really been the best choice I could have made! I'm pretty sure that Greg is not going to be able to drive himself to his radiation for much longer, so hopefully we'll be able to get later appointments so I can take him when I'm done working. That would really work out great, as we wouldn't need to ask friends and family to help us out. But, we will just have to wait and see what happens.
I'm not sure how many folks who read my blog know about our old barn that's been collapsing over the last year or so, but our silo recently collapsed, too. Because our neighbors have an easement through our yard to get to their fields, we had to find a way to move the silo, as it was blocking their access road. We were finally able to get that done last week, with some help from our awesome neighbors! I'm only going to post one picture here, and if you want to view the rest, you can view my album on Facebook. Even if you're
not my Facebook friend, you can still click on this link: Facebook Silo Photo Album.
Oh, I forgot to mention Mother's Day! Aaron and Rachel were here for the weekend, and it was AWESOME to see them, as we haven't seen them since January. They had to leave by noon on Sunday, so we decided that we should all go out for breakfast. We went to a great restaurant in Wausau called The Blue Willow. They have awesome breakfasts! Erica was able to meet us, so for the first time since January, our whole family was together! It was just fabulous to have everyone together!
Speaking of Mother's Day, I have to tell you what my awesome kids did for me! Erica bought me 12 personal training sessions at Snap Fitness, as I've been working on losing some weight before Aaron and Rachel's wedding. Aaron, Rachel and Abby got me the Food Dehydrator that I've been wanting and a boatload of spices, etc. to make jerky! So, what's the first thing we did? Why, make jerky, of course! Abby brought out two of her venison roasts and we were able to make a boatload of jerky!
I plan on doing a LOT more than making jerky, as I have some herbs already planted that I intend to dry. I also want to try some apple slices, potato slices, and all kinds of other stuff! It should be fun!
So, that's about it for now. Nothing much else is going on right now. Hope you all are doing well!
As always, prayers are appreciated!
Julie
If you feel led to help with Greg's gas and other expenses while he is unable to work, please see --> Greg's GoFundMe
